Asking for help

I have never given much thought to how I feel about asking for help, until recently. Probably because before the progression of my disease I rarely HAD to ask for help (Or more than likely I didn’t ask even when I probably should have). Now, it is an everyday, many times a day, occurrence. And even now, I only feel comfortable letting certain people help me with certain things. It’s not because I don’t trust people, I just hate to make myself vulnerable to just anyone (and I’m kind of a control freak). A good friend said to me once, “You hate asking for help, don’t you?” My response was, “I hate needing it.” I didn’t give my answer much thought at the time. Why do I see needing help as such a negative? To me, needing help suggests weakness or ineptitude. No one wants to be seen as weak or inept. When I am able to take care of everything in a day without asking for assistance, there is definitely a sense of pride and accomplishment. I find myself apologizing when I do need help because I feel like I’m burdening others by needing constant assistance.

We were recently given LOTS of life-changing help through Vocational Rehabilitation. Vocational Rehabilitation (VR) is a federal-state program that helps people who have disabilities get or keep a job. They came to our house and my work and assessed what it would take to keep me independent and working. They added a stair lift up our stairs so we can maintain our bedroom upstairs, they provided me with an amazing motorized wheelchair (I’m serious about that, if you have to use a wheelchair, this is the Lamborghini of wheelchairs!), and topped it off with a self-opening door (with a remote) and a brand new ramp to get out to our cars. It has made our lives SO much easier and opened my world so much already. If I hadn’t asked for that help, I would still be “stuck” in so many ways! The last piece of the puzzle is a vehicle I can drive in and out of with my wheelchair and hand controls so I can safely drive from my wheelchair. This will give me back so much of the freedom I have been missing since needing a wheelchair full time.

Once I am able to start driving again, I will gain back so much of the independence I have lost. It has been a huge adjustment not being able to drive. I have never been one of those people who dislikes driving. I LOVE getting into my car, rolling down the windows, cranking up the radio and taking a long country drive. To me, driving equals freedom. When I get my new modified vehicle, I will be able to help take the boys to all of their extracurricular events, I can run to the store by myself, I can drive to and from work and SO many other things I used to take for granted. Also, with a new, modified vehicle I will be able to drive my wheelchair in and out of the car with a motorized ramp, drive with hand controls and when I go to a store, etc. I will be able to drive my wheelchair around instead of needing to rely on someone else to push me around.

However, VR will not modify just any vehicle for me. Jeremy and I are responsible for buying a vehicle that can be modified. The parameters that we must follow are:

-The vehicle must be under 5 years old

-The vehicle has to have less than 100,000 miles

-My VR counselor has recommended a Chevy Traverse because of our steep/rough driveway

-Only certain chassis styles can be modified to meet my individual needs

This is not a luxury vehicle that we are choosing to buy for ourselves. This is a huge added expense that would put unnecessary strain on our finances. Since my diagnosis of MS, many people have asked how they can help. Now, one of my best friends has offered to set up a GoFundMe to help us in procuring the vehicle to be modified – https://www.gofundme.com/f/an-accessible-vehicle-for-the-larson-family?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link_all&utm_campaign=p_cp+share-sheet It took a while to convince my husband that this was a good plan. Pride is another obstacle to asking for help.

Allowing other people the opportunity to step in and pick up where I can’t is another valuable lesson I have learned since having MS. I don’t think it’s a lesson I would have learned otherwise because I would have just kept on plowing forward, doing it all on my own. Asking for help takes an inner strength. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that asking for help is something everyone has to do at different points in their lives. Some of us just need more help than others. Instead of apologizing, I will show gratitude for the people in my life who are willing to help. So, to anyone and everyone who has ever / will ever help me – THANK YOU so much for being a part of my “village”!!

Toxic Positivity