Faith/Knowing

Today marks the one year anniversary of my “epiphany” about being healed. In the blog “Believing is Seeing” you can read about my first experience of getting completely connected to my source and the love within. It has been quite a year since. I have really been trying to focus on the positive aspects of my journey in this blog in order to motivate and inspire others who may be suffering, and let them know that things can/will get better. Plus, I know that focusing on the negative only leads to more negative. However, this journey has not been all positive and I would be remiss if I made it seem that way. I have had several “dark nights of the soul” so to speak. I have had moments where I have cursed ever being introduced to Dr. Joe and this path. I have had moments of pure agony and despair about why things are not getting better, faster. Why am I trapped in this body? Because that’s what it feels like – being trapped in my own personal hell. My mind wants to accomplish so many things that my body will not cooperate with. I get so angry, and jealous of everyone who can just “get up and go”. It would be very easy to give up and just give in! I have had moments when I want to do just that. Yet, every morning before I start my day, I still take the time to meditate and find my connection to my source. Why? Because I have faith, or a knowing, that this is the right path for me. I feel this not in my head, but in my heart when I meditate and truly let myself feel the love that comes from all around me. There is a peace that comes with this also.

When I experienced my “epiphany” a year ago and had a conversation with my creator, who assured me I was healed, I knew without a doubt that everything is going to be ok. I felt this unconditional love and a knowing deep in my soul that everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. That is the feeling that I felt, but the reality of what I wake up to physically is completely different. There are days when it’s hard to maintain the positive, gratitude and love that I felt that day and that is necessary to promote healing. I honestly don’t know how long I would have continued on this path if I hadn’t had that moment. For many months, I meditated chasing that feeling of amazing love. It was a high like nothing I had ever experienced. What I have begun to realize is that I can access that feeling outside of meditation also. It is a feeling that comes directly from the heart and it is the feeling of unconditional love, joy, and happiness. I also know that it is ok to become off-centered and lose my way, as long as I can eventually bring it back to that heart-centered place.

Dr. Joe Dispenza uses science to back up the “mystical” experiences that can happen during meditation. I can understand the science, but for me it is a feeling of the eternal spirit when I meditate. It is a physical sensation that I feel throughout my body. I don’t know how, or when, my physical healing is going to occur and for me that has been a hard pill to swallow. I have to have complete faith and know that everything is going to be just the way it’s supposed to be and stop trying so hard to change things. My body is a vessel and if I fill it with this unconditional love, I know that it is perfect. I am becoming more thankful for this journey and its ups and downs. I have learned a lot about myself through the moments of quiet meditation when I empty my brain and feel what comes up and then let it go. My life may not be perfect, but I have faith that it was perfectly designed for me.

Acceptance