I saw a post on Facebook recently that asked, “What is one piece of advice every child should get?” I wrote “Love yourself unconditionally”. Later on that day I asked Jeremy what he would say and he said, “Be kind.” Great advice! When I told him what I put, he said, “Well, that’s selfish!” That really shocked me, especially since I’ve been telling our boys since they were little to love themselves first and the most. I really had to take a step back and reevaluate my response. IS it selfish to love oneself unconditionally? What is radical self-love? Why is it looked down upon to love oneself? Here is my opinion on the matter – based on lots of reading and simple intuition.
What Self-love is…
Self love is self acceptance. Someone who loves themself unconditionally doesn’t need to rely on those around them to build up their ego and feel good. When someone is full of radical self love, they know their worth regardless of what is going on around them. People who are full of self-love know what makes them happy and they seek those things out. They usually treat their body well because they love it, not because of some flaw they are trying to fix. Someone who feels radical self love usually has an open heart and spreads the love and joy they feel to others because they know there will always be enough to go around. Since they don’t need anything outside of themselves to know they are worthy, they are often altruistic, genuine souls who radiate confidence and joy.
People who are enveloped in self-love trust their own instincts and don’t let others influence their decisions. They are more likely to achieve their dreams and goals because of the inner strength and motivation they possess. They are confident in their abilities and therefore don’t need anyone or anything outside of themselves to boost their self-esteem. They are not perfect, but they are cognizant of their own weaknesses and love themselves through them. They are able to be gentle with themselves and therefore with others for any perceived shortcomings. They do not project that negativity onto others.
Authentic self love originates from within – from Source/God/Universe. It is always present, and available to everyone in the world. In order to access / allow that love and light to shine through us we have to go within (through prayer / meditation/ quiet introspection) and know that we are one with that love. We are love and light in human form.
What Selfishness is…
First, and foremost, Self-love is NOT selfish!!! I repeat, SELF-LOVE IS NOT SELFISH!!! Selfishness is doing things only for your own gain with no regard for the thoughts and feelings of others. This kind of behavior is fueled by lack and fear. If someone does not feel the unconditional love that comes from Source, they will do whatever it takes (even at the expense of others) to make themselves feel worthy or loved. People who lack self-love are often selfish because they are scared to lose the things in their lives that make them feel important, or loved.
Selfish people lack empathy. They will use others to further their own agenda. They may even point out the negative aspects of others to make themselves feel better. They often blame others for their own shortcomings. They are unable to see past their own wants, needs and desires to allow the love that is naturally there. They are scared to lose who they sense themselves to be and will use anything and anyone to further their own agenda. People who lack self-love are usually self-aggrandizing because they aren’t aware of their own worth intrinsically.
Why self-love is so important
If the entire world was filled with radical self-love, what a wonderful world it would be! All judgement of and animosity towards others would be non-existent. We would have no wars. People would see the value in others instead of fixating on what is wrong and irritating about them. Not only would we not focus on the negative aspects of others, we would hope the best for everyone and attend to their needs.
Be the light you wish to see in the world. I cannot magically fill everyone in the world with unconditional self-love, but I can start with myself. I still have a ways to go, but through all of the “work” I have put in, I am getting more and more glimmers of the love that will lead to my healing and the healing of the world. I hope that through my journey, and through my blog, I have encouraged you to do the same!