Is Self-Love Selfish? Let’s Chat.
I saw a post on Facebook recently that asked,
“What’s one piece of advice every child should get?”
Without thinking twice, I wrote:
“Love yourself unconditionally.”
Later that day, I asked Jeremy what he’d say.
He goes, “Be kind.”
Also great advice. Nailed it.
But then I told him mine, and he said,
“Well, that’s selfish.”
Uhh… what?!
That stopped me in my tracks. I’ve been telling our boys since they were teeny little wild things to love themselves first and most.
Now here’s their dad calling that selfish?
So I sat with it.
Let it roll around in my head and heart.
Is it selfish to love yourself unconditionally?
What even is radical self-love?
And why the hell do so many people still look down on it?
Here’s my take—built on a whole lotta reading, deep intuition, and lived experience.
What Self-Love Is (and Isn’t)
Self-love is self-acceptance, plain and simple.
When someone truly loves themselves—radically, without conditions—they don’t need anyone else to pump them up or hand them permission slips to feel good.
They already know their worth.
They don’t chase validation. They chase what lights them up.
They treat their bodies well—not out of punishment, but because they give a damn.
Folks who love themselves like this tend to have wide open hearts.
They’re generous with their joy.
They give freely without fear, because they know love isn’t a limited resource—it’s infinite.
They don’t need to get something from others to be someone.
People full of self-love usually:
- Trust their gut.
- Make decisions from within.
- Show up confident, not cocky.
- Own their flaws and love themselves through them.
- Give themselves grace—and because of that, they offer it to others, too.
They’re not perfect (who is?), but they don’t beat themselves up over their imperfections.
They’re real. Rooted. Radiant.
To me, true self-love doesn’t come from ego—it comes from Source.
God. Universe. Spirit. Whatever you call it, that divine spark lives inside all of us.
And when we go within—through prayer, meditation, stillness—we tap into that.
That’s where unconditional love lives.
That’s what we are underneath all the noise: love and light in human form.
What Selfishness Actually Looks Like
Okay, deep breath—because I need to shout this part:
SELF-LOVE IS NOT SELFISH.
Say it with me now: Self-love. Is. Not. Selfish.
Selfishness is when someone does whatever they want only for their own gain,
with zero regard for how it affects anyone else.
It comes from fear. From lack. From a big ol’ gaping hole that no amount of stuff, success, or attention can ever fill.
When someone lacks self-love, they cling hard to external stuff to feel worthy.
They may manipulate, blame, or criticize.
They might try to tear others down to build themselves up.
They hoard love and attention because they’re scared there’s not enough to go around.
That’s not self-love.
That’s survival mode.
That’s fear dressed up as confidence.
True self-love doesn’t need to take from anyone.
It’s full. Overflowing.
And it gives—freely, and with joy.
Why Self-Love Matters (Like, A Lot)
Imagine this:
A world full of people who actually loved themselves unconditionally.
No more picking at each other’s flaws.
No more projecting our insecurities onto strangers online.
No more wars, because there’s nothing to prove.
Just people showing up as their whole, loved-up selves.
We’d treat each other better.
We’d give a damn in a real, honest way.
We’d want good things for each other—not just for ourselves.
Now, I can’t infuse the entire planet with self-love in one blog post (wouldn’t that be nice?),
but I can start with me.
I’m still learning. Still growing. Still healing.
But every time I choose love over fear—every time I soften instead of shut down—I get a little closer.
And maybe by sharing this, you’ll feel a nudge to do the same.
To turn inward.
To remember who you are.
To fall in love with yourself—the real you.
Because it’s not selfish.
It’s sacred.
And this world?
It needs more people who know that.