Unconditional Love & Selflessness

21 years ago today, I married my best friend and soul mate. So, I thought today would be a good day to talk about unconditional love and the role it has played in my life and illness. I have been blessed beyond measure to be surrounded by unconditional love in my life, both first and second hand examples. I would not be where I am today without the love and grace that has been shown to me by my husband, family, friends, coworkers and sometimes complete strangers. Having this illness HAS allowed me to see the positive side of humanity on so many occasions and for that I am thankful.

When I was first diagnosed, Jeremy and I were young and only married 4 1/2 years. We were high school sweethearts and had been together about 9 years. We were both scared of what the future would look like. I (stupidly) questioned whether he would want to remain married to someone with a disability. I didn’t want to be a burden to him eventually. Not only has he not made me feel like a burden, but I have never since questioned his love and dedication to me. Like I said in a previous post, prior to this healing journey, he was helping me with pretty much everything without complaint. A dear friend has always referred to the way Jeremy helps me as our “dance”. He just seems to know all the steps perfectly.

The past few years have been some of the hardest times of our lives. My health was on a steady decline. Prior to the pandemic, I needed help constantly. Jeremy never blinks an eye if I call him for help in the middle of the day because I have fallen and can’t get up on my own or when I can’t get from my car inside the house at the end of the day because my legs are just too tired. He has taken his lunch break many times just to come help me in one manner or another. After working all day, he comes home and cooks amazing meals for us, always taking into consideration my dietary needs. (I have been on a VERY restrictive diet for the last 15 years) He has literally carried me when I couldn’t walk on my own. I could fill pages with the things he does to help me live my best life. I don’t know where I would be today without his unconditional love and support.

Even though I know it’s not true, the argument could be made that Jeremy made a vow and legal commitment to me and is bound to keep it. Our friends, however, have made no such vow to us. Yet, I know their love for us is unconditional also. I know it’s not always easy to make plans with someone when you have to think about accommodations and accessibility, but my friends handle it with grace. They are always cognizant of my needs and often go above and beyond to make me feel included and comfortable. Unconditional love is when your girlfriend (or your boss) helps you off of the toilet and pulls your underwear and pants up without batting an eye. Another friend went out of her way to make me assistive devices to lift my right leg up because it just doesn’t want to work. Another is currently growing mushrooms that are known to help alleviate MS symptoms so that she can make tinctures just for me. And then there was the group of Jeremy’s coworkers and our friends who recently spent an entire day at our house cleaning inside and out, making large and small repairs, painting, doing yard work, moving furniture and any other work we needed done-just because. These are just some of the more recent acts of kindness. There have been so many times that I have been in awe at people’s selflessness. A random stranger offered to pump my gas because she could see I was struggling. Strangers have literally picked me up off the ground after a fall. It doesn’t take large gestures to make a difference. A kind word, patience and a smile go a long way when someone is struggling.

Thank you never seems adequate and hopefully I can find a way to pay it forward someday. MS sucks and there are days when I just don’t want to do it anymore. Fortunately, I have never felt alone. I am incredibly grateful and humbled by the love and support I feel around me! Thanks to the selflessness of friends, I have found hope and inspiration for our future.

An Official Diagnosis