Worthiness

Worthiness is the quality of being good enough. It’s hard to write/say out loud, but something I have struggled with throughout my life is being good enough. Everyone’s instinct when they hear someone say this is to reassure the person and tell them how great they are. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate compliments and praise just as much as the next girl. It definitely gives me an ego boost and makes me feel good. But feeling good enough and being good enough are two different qualities. Feeling good enough is temporary and can easily be affected by outside influences. I am learning to not let other people’s thoughts/judgements affect me anymore because they really DO NOT matter. Being good enough has to come from within – enter meditation. When I am fully connected to God/source, it doesn’t matter what happens outside of me, I KNOW I am good enough because I come from God – as we all do. My source is never judging me and is always with me in its perfect state. We all have access to that feeling of complete peace and knowing, we just have to quiet everything outside of us and go within. I am learning through meditation how to silence my inner and outer demons and listen to the wisdom of my source.

Growing up, I went with my family to a southern Baptist church. Southern Baptist religion is pretty strict and based on a lot of fire and brimstone preaching. God came across as a vengeful being who was always watching and judging my every move to make sure I was living a righteous life. There were a LOT of rules and I felt very disconnected from God. As I got older especially, I questioned many of those rules and broke a few along the way. The church that I went to did not represent the love that I had felt from God. I never felt worthy because I didn’t dress right, act right or speak appropriately. I was ALWAYS falling short. Now, I realize that the rules I was breaking were not God’s, but people’s. God does not care about any of these things because God is not judging me. I feel unconditional love EVERY time I am able to get connected and it is not a feeling that is based on what I do but who I am.

I haven’t given myself permission to feel great because I haven’t felt like I deserve it – UNWORTHY. I have been trying to say the words, “I deserve to heal” a lot lately. It feels so foreign and selfish for me to say that. Like, WHY do I deserve this? What gives me the right? But, really, why NOT me? What makes me the exception? Now that I have meditation and found my connection to my source, I am slowly regaining my self-worth. I have learned that it does not and will not ever come from something outside me. It doesn’t matter how much money I have, the kind of car I drive, or the clothes I wear; those are just the incidentals of life. We ARE all created equal and our love for ourselves has to come from within. This is a lesson we are all taught throughout life, but I truly am just embracing this as fact.

I have been spending a lot of time lately trying to figure out why I feel unworthy, and why I feel like healing is beyond my reach. I’ve figured out that I feel unworthy because I’m human. We all have feelings of unworthiness because that is our human nature. The wonderful lesson I have learned is that we can change our way of being. ANYONE can do this and EVERYONE deserves it! I don’t need to figure out the cause for this unworthy feeling, I just have to acknowledge it and know that I can change it. Through meditation, I have slowly found that my worth does not depend on any outside source. I can never find true happiness when I am searching outside myself. God told me today during my meditation, “Stop searching. I am here.” I felt so much peace in that statement. God is with me and loves me constantly and unconditionally. There are no rules to getting connected to one’s source/God other than to love yourself and listen. It is always there with us, loving us unconditionally. Our ego is always there in the background too, trying to distract us and really to bring us down. Believe me, I know what it feels like to not be able to find the positive and God. Once you discover that connection to source and the world, you will do whatever it takes to maintain that feeling of unconditional love. For me, that is daily meditation. We are ALL worthy!

Focus