Changing my narrative

A vibration is a state of being, the atmosphere, or the energetic quality of a person, place, thought, or thing.  Emotions resonate with the vibrational frequency that they generate. In order to heal completely through meditation, I need to “vibrate at a higher frequency.” This means that it’s important for me to stay in a positive emotional state because like attracts like. For the past 5+ years I have unknowingly and unintentionally been vibrating at a very low frequency. I wasn’t fully aware of how my negative thoughts and feelings were affecting me physically. I also didn’t have the tools to remove myself from those feelings. The emotions I was feeling most often and still battle with occasionally are guilt, fear and anger. These are normal emotions and I’m not suggesting ignoring or suppressing them. Before I started meditating, I let myself get caught up in and dwell on the negative emotions. I was really struggling to stay positive while dealing with the symptoms of MS. It’s time for me to recognize and acknowledge these feelings and flip the narrative of my life in order to vibrate at a higher frequency and stimulate healing in my body.

When someone says they are guilty, that signifies that they have done something wrong that they could have prevented. Unfortunately, I have spent the past few years feeling a lot of guilt. I feel guilty because I can’t contribute as much in my family, at work or to my friends as I would like. I honestly have felt like a sponge -soaking up everyone’s help and kindness and never being able to reciprocate. I always find myself saying, “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry for taking up other people’s time, for needing constant help and not being able to contribute the way I would like. Again, saying sorry signifies ill intent. It is time for me to absolve myself. I did not ask for this disease, or do anything to cause it. However, when I was diagnosed, and throughout the course of my disease, I have dwelt on the diagnosis and how it affects everyone around me. The reality that I am living now was created in part by those negative thoughts. The great part of that is I can change my inner dialogue and therefore change my future. The opposite of guilt is innocence. I am innocent and ready to accept my get out of jail free card. It is time for me to release myself from the emotional and physical chains my MS and negative chatter have caused and embrace my innocence and future health.

Fear is another feeling I have felt since my MS diagnosis. I know that no one knows what their future will hold. But with a diagnosis like MS, all of the literature and medical professionals paint a very negative outlook for the future. I was always picturing a worst case scenario – blind, in a wheelchair, unable to take care of myself. A nurse told me over the phone very early on that I had a lesion on my spine, “which is troubling because that can cause the most disability.” That sentence stuck in my brain and heightened my fear of my future abilities. More recently, I have had a constant fear of being “stuck.” Because my legs are so weak, I am unable to stand up from low chairs, some toilets, the ground, etc. There have been many times when I have been in a situation I couldn’t get myself out of physically and have had to wait hours for someone to come save me. After having several episodes like this, fear became my natural state of living. The opposite of fear is courage. I am learning to have courage and face my fears head on. I have not met a challenge yet that is too large for me to overcome with or without assistance. I trust that I will always have the courage and strength to face any future obstacles with the help of meditation, my source and an amazing support system..

The worst of the negative emotions I have been feeling is anger. I really don’t like this feeling because for me it feels like giving up. I get mad at my inability to do things “normally”. I get angry when I drop something because it is not easy to bend over and pick things up. I’m angry that I feel out of control. I’m angry that everything seems so much harder because of MS. I’m mad that I have MS. For me, the opposite of anger is thankfulness. With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, it seems apropos to talk about thankfulness now. Dr. Joe says, “Gratitude is the ultimate state of receivership. Gratitude means that the event has already occurred.” Gratitude is a high vibrational emotion, and I have a LOT to be thankful for in spite of my MS. I am thankful for the unconditional love and support of friends and family. I am thankful for living in a beautiful environment where I feel a strong connection to nature. I am thankful that I was introduced to meditation, the law of attraction and a belief in miracles. I am thankful that I will walk again and will be able to help other people achieve their dream of walking again!!

Control