How it all began

In the beginning of 2004, my husband, Jeremy, and I were enjoying the life of child-free young adults. I was working as a teachers’ assistant in Nashville, IN. Jeremy was in his second year of sales with Bounds and McPike Flooring. We spent a lot of our free time exploring the forests around our home. Hiking was something we loved. I started noticing that when we would hike long distances, my eyes would become blurry. It was like someone had put crinkled up cellophane over my eyes, but it would eventually go away and my sight would return to normal after the hike. I wasn’t really concerned at the time. It was more annoying than anything. After doing some research on the internet, I decided worst case scenario was glaucoma. Scary, but I could deal. I was young for that diagnosis.

I made an appointment with an ophthalmologist at Southern Indiana Eye Center. When the appointment day arrived, it felt like any other appointment. The doctor listened to my complaints, ran a battery of tests, dilated my eyes and peered into my soul. After he was done, he asked me if my eyes got blurry when I took hot showers. I had to think about it, but yes, they did. He said, “I think you might have Multiple Sclerosis,” and went on to describe Uthoff’s Phenomenon, which is when elevated body temperature impairs vision. Often one of the first signs of MS. I had NO idea what Multiple Sclerosis was.

“Is it treatable?” was my response.

He reassured me that yes, the symptoms of MS are treatable. He did not tell me that there is no cure for the disease. Then, he went on to give me the Cliff’s notes version of MS. Without a doubt, one of the scariest, most daunting times of my life. The next step was to see a neurologist, so we set up an appointment. I left Southern Indiana Eye Center with a possible diagnosis, a future appointment with a neurologist and so many questions…”Will I be able to have children? Am I going to go blind? Will I be in a wheelchair? What will my future look like? WHAT IS MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS?!?!”

After my appointment, I drove myself, with the big ugly sunglasses because my eyes were still dilated, to Jeremy’s work. I walked in, tears streaming down my face and sat down at his desk. “He thinks I have MS,” I told Jeremy through tears and hiccups of air. He didn’t waste any time telling his boss he needed to leave and we went home to process the information together. Jeremy didn’t know anything about MS either. I’ll never forget him saying that day, “It can only effect us as much as we let it.” Little did we know then.

The next few weeks were filled with anxiety, stress and millions of questions. We did not have access to the internet at home, so every free second I had at work was used Googling Multiple Sclerosis-big mistake! There is a list of possible symptoms about a mile long. Instead of giving me information and solace, it was adding fuel to the fire. I was 27, married for 4 years, no children, my whole life ahead of me and this possible diagnosis was throwing a wrench at all of my future plans. I couldn’t begin to fathom what my life would look like with this incurable disease. I realize I didn’t have a definitive diagnosis yet, but somehow I knew it was right.

Unconditional Love and Selflessness