Meditations

The one question I have been asked the most since all of this started is, “How do YOU meditate?” There are so many ways to meditate or become connected to one’s source. It’s a very personal path and there is no one size fits all solution. Throughout my life, I have done Tai chi, yoga, acupuncture and practiced other meditative techniques on my own. These things were ALL incredibly relaxing and helpful in their own way, but I never was able to calm my mind enough to see my path. I didn’t know/have the tools to quiet my brain so that I could hear the universe trying to get through to me until we were introduced to Dr. Joe Dispenza and his work.

When I was pregnant with Tristan in 2007, the same friend who had recommended Myron, the herbalist, suggested that Jeremy and I try Tai chi. Tai chi is an ancient Chinese martial art that uses slow, flowing movements and breath to create a meditative state. It has been shown to be helpful in fighting balance and gait issues in people with MS. He knew an instructor in Columbus and we decided to give it a try. Once a week after work, Jeremy would drive from Bloomington to Columbus for the hour long class. We both really enjoyed it and felt very relaxed after each class. Our instructor was so knowledgeable and often talked about the healing aspects of Tai chi. Since we were just beginning, I felt like I spent more time concentrating on getting the movements right than breathing and truly becoming centered. If we had practiced longer and become fluid in the movements, that might have been different. However, after 6 months of Jeremy making that long drive and with my pregnancy progressing, we decided it was time to stop the classes. We never became competent enough to reach an enlightened state. For some people Tai chi is the answer, but not for us at that time.

In 2011, I was working as a pre-k teacher at Penny Lane Childcare in Bloomington. My job was very physical and required a lot from me. It was at this time that my health started getting worse again and I knew that the Swank diet alone was not effective. I did some research on my own and found Yoga for MySelf. A free yoga class just for people with MS. I had never been to a yoga class before and felt relieved that I had found one that catered to people who might be dealing with some of the same issues that I was. It was perfect. When I arrived at my first class, I was nervous. What would this look like? How many people would be here? What are their (dis)abilities? The class took place at the Tibetan Cultural center in Bloomington. The setting is idyllic-nestled in the woods, deer literally just hanging out around the parking lot. It was peaceful just to be there let alone while doing yoga. When I walked into the room, there were 6 other people. 4 women who were all in their 60’s and 1 man who was probably in his 20’s. One of the women used a cane, but other than that there was no outward sign of disability in any of us. The instructor was about my age and very “yoga-like”. She explained to us all that she is not a yoga teacher, but a yoga therapist. She had learned Thai massage and yoga from renowned yoga instructors in India. She had also studied MS and neurological disorders under my neurologist, Dr. Mattson. I was really excited to get started.

Like I said, I had never been to a “regular” yoga class before so I had nothing to compare this to, but I loved it! We did a series of poses and breathing exercises. Nothing too hard or intimidating. I knew that I could stick with this. We had yoga every Tuesday morning. Those days were always good, relaxed days. I loved the opportunity to have an hour of uninterrupted quiet and stretching. At this time Foster and Tristan were 2 and 3 – quiet was a precious commodity! Unfortunately, lack of quiet time at home, a busy life and a smidge of laziness led to me not practicing yoga outside of that hour. There were always excuses even though I knew I felt better on yoga days. I continued with yoga for 7 years through 3 building changes and several additions to and subtractions from our enrollment. Towards the end of the 7 years, in 2018, I was using a cane to walk VERY slowly, struggling to stand for any period of time and having many other issues related to MS. In general, I was tired constantly and living normally was exhausting. My yoga therapist was wanting me to dedicate more time and money to my therapy and I just didn’t see this happening, so we parted ways. Yoga was always positive, relaxing and therapeutic. I loved the practice and maybe someday I will get back into it. Again, I was always very relaxed after, but I spent a lot of time in class making sure I was doing the movements and breath right and never was able to get outside of my own head.

On top of my MS symptoms, I have suffered with severe SI joint pain for almost 20 years. My yoga therapist recommended that I try cupping for that and acupuncture for my stiff joints. She gave me the card of Dr. Young Park in Indianapolis. He has a special interest in preventive medicine, Eastern medicine (acupuncture, cupping, Chinese herbs), osteopathic manipulation and functional medicine. I had never had acupuncture before and wasn’t really sure what cupping entailed, but why not? I went to see Dr. Park. He is a very soft spoken, kind Doctor. The exam room was very comfortable and cozy with low lights and calm music playing-definitely NOT a traditional doctor’s office. He explained to me the practices of acupuncture and cupping and why they are effective. He had a very calm demeanor so I was not nervous at all. I stripped down to my bra and underwear and laid down on the table. He explained how he was going to insert the needles by lightly tapping on them, but I should feel no pain. I can’t tell you how many needles he inserted, but it seemed like a ton and they were ALL over my body from head to toe. After he was done, he told me I was to lay on the table and rest for about 10 minutes with the needles in my body. He covered me up, set a timer and left the room. Although it sounds very uncomfortable to lay anywhere with needles all over one’s body, it was actually VERY relaxing. I couldn’t feel the needles and the room was warm and cozy-I never felt uncomfortable. After the timer went off, Dr. Park came back in to remove the acupuncture needles and do the fire cupping on my left SI joint. This was the weirdest experience I have ever had. With fire cupping in particular, the acupuncturist uses glass cups and flames to create suction; they place the cups on certain parts of the body, depending on what the desired results are, and may slide some of the cups around. They’re left on for a brief period of time, then released. Dr. Park placed around 5-6 cups on my SI joint and again covered me up and told me to relax. Cupping didn’t hurt really, but it was extremely uncomfortable. I could not relax at all with these things attached to my back. I was so grateful when he showed back up to remove the cups. The cups left huge round marks on my back like some huge octopus had been attached to me. It wasn’t pleasant. I saw Dr. Park every month for about a year. I always really enjoyed acupuncture and dreaded the cupping. I can see how acupuncture can be a very meditative practice. I felt relaxed and my muscles felt less tight after each session. I did not feel any benefits from cupping – I think because it stressed me out. (Again, these are just my experiences. Some people get great relief from this practice.) After a year of these therapies, I had to quit. Our insurance did not cover alternative therapies and the time it took out of my schedule was just too much considering I wasn’t seeing huge improvements to my health.

I had not had much success in any of these meditative practices mostly because I couldn’t stop the chatter in my brain. It wasn’t until we were introduced to Dr. Joe Dispenza and his work that I have been successful at getting out of my own way and meditating “correctly” for myself. Dr. Joe’s 9 week online course that was purchased for us was priceless. I’m not going to try to describe the methods he uses because there are so many and I don’t want to give anyone false information. I definitely recommend his books You Are the Placebo and Becoming Supernatural. Both give detailed descriptions of the how and why of the work. I usually will use one of Dr. Joe’s guided meditations when I meditate. Dr. Joe knows about meditation and healing oneself first hand. He had a biking accident in his 20’s that left him with a broken back. He was able to heal himself and now he teaches other people how to heal themselves through his guided meditations. Here is his story-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3FJVjZcM_w.

When I meditate, I don’t have 1 specific place I do it. I like to be outside whenever possible. Wherever I am, I just make sure that I am in a quiet, comfortable spot. I always tell everyone in the house that I’m meditating so they know I am not to be interrupted unless it’s an emergency. I learned this after being tapped on the arm in the middle of several early meditations and hearing, “Mom, are you meditating?” I also use headphones now to block out any outside noise. I have purchased several of Dr. Joe’s full guided meditations, but we often use YouTube to listen to one of his many online guided meditations. I have only missed meditating a handful of days since my epiphany, and I can definitely feel it when I don’t. My kids will tell me when I’m stressed out sometimes, “Mom, I think you need to meditate.” And they’re usually right! I know that I can and will stick with meditation because it’s free, I can do it anywhere and it works. Meditation and being connected to my source has not made all of my problems go away. However, it has changed the way I deal with them and made things much more manageable. Overall, I feel so much better than I did in April. I finally have hope and look forward to what the future holds!

Letting Go


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